Thursday, June 25, 2009

Starting to feel anxious

When Brian and I were trying to get pregnant with Claire, I was OBSESSED! We struggled for about a year and a half. We were SO lucky that all it took was clomid (five rounds) to get our girl, but considering what we are going through, that was a piece of cake. That being said, there was so much more pressure. I was constantly online reading information about infertility....so many books. I found a wonderfully supportive forum for women TTC. It became my lifeline. No one really understands infertility unless they have gone through it. These women's stories were my stories. When I finally saw the positive pregnancy test, I was not even sure I could believe it. For weeks I worried that it wouldn't last. But, of course, we got our girl. I have always known how lucky we were to even get pregnant. We figured we got our blessing. Another baby would be the bonus.
But, since Claire was one, we have been hoping for another. I always knew I wanted a sibling for Claire. At first it was important to me that the kids were not too far apart in age. I wanted them to be able to play together. Well, five years later, I see that is not going to be the case. Now I just know that I want Claire to have a sibling "for the future". I want her to have someone to talk to that will understand her and be there for her.
So we decided to go ahead with a stronger fertility medication. It does worry us that we might have more than one baby, but we are willing to do it. So that is a bit where mt anxiety lies. Another point is that...the likelihood of it working the first time is not in our favor. We did try one round of fertility meds a couple of years ago and it didn't work. We had to stop midcycle since my body was not responding. It really devastated me. It took us two years to make the decision to try again. So, I guess this isn't the first round :-) My luck just went up.
We should start with the medication sometime early next week. I am scared, but hopeful.
Our family deserves this and I am ready!!!

5 comments:

The Royal Family said...

good luck, I can't say I know what your going through, I did try 11mo to get my first child and was freaked out that something was wrong... maybe a glimpse into your world. Good luck!


Swinging by from the swap

lori said...

hang i there! i know it will happen! thinking of you always!

Kado! said...

Definitely do not be worried about the kids not being close in age....my boys are 6 and a half years apart and they are the best of buds! I would not have it any other way! My youngest looks up to Q so much and wants to be just like him....and my oldest is such a great helper and sets a great example....my youngest just turned 4....so I guess it's about time to have another one! LOL!

good luck with your decision!

Vivienne said...

We have a 17, 12, 11 and a 5. All boys. They all fight and they all are best friends. Don't worry about the age differences, they melt away. Especially when they get older. Good luck and hang in there.

Rachel said...

I've been there... having PCOS, it took 7 years (after finally quitting trying!) to have Itty Bit.

I long for more, but he's probably going to be "it" for us.

What a blessing to have a little girl. Praying for your decisions and health.